MARRIAGE: 2 YEARS IN

As we celebrate 2 years of marriage today, I pray that I’m able to share from my experience in a way that will encourage you, inspire you, and help you to view marriage in a healthy way.  I can’t discuss marriage without discussing God because God designed marriage.  Even though we live in a world that doesn’t give God the credit and praise that He deserves, I have to give Him all the credit.  It is because of God that I am married and it is because of God that I will stay married.  Why?  Because God has established marriage.  We must remain in God in order to even view marriage the right way and we must remain in Him in order to protect the marriage that He so beautifully designed.

Marriage is growth.  We say that marriage is work, and it is, but that work equates to growth.  I’m in awe at the many ways that God has grown both me and my husband in various ways.  As you work at it, it gets stronger, and things get easier.  Things that were once hard are now easy, things that would cause frustrations are not even relevant.  Why?  Because we work at it and we grow, and our marriage is strengthened.

Marriage is of God.  The decision to marry can be based on nothing but the leading of God.  Before you say I do, you must even push your feelings to the side.  Feelings are fickle and so inconsistent.  You must seek the wise, all-knowing, all-powerful God in order to know His will.  Follow His leading.  God knows best and He knows and wants what’s best for us.  Don’t depend on anything but God in order to decide when, who, and if you should even marry.  Marriage is not always easy,  but when you are in the will of God, nothing can stand against you.  Though weapons may form, they will never prosper if you are doing what God would have you to do.  Trust and follow God above everything else.

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn.  This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.”  – Isaiah 54:17

Marriage is a mirror.  Marriage will show you yourself in ways you will never expect!  There is more wrong with you than you think.  If you think your spouse is always wrong and you are always right then you are deceiving yourself, and it is so easy to lie to yourself.  Resist it.  You must humbly look in the mirror and deal with what you see.  The key is loving each other through the shortcomings.  No one is perfect and never will be, and one spouse is no better than the other.  We are both sinners in need of grace.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”  – Philippians 2:3

Marriage is humbling.  Marriage strips you of your independence, your individual thoughts, desires, and plans.  You no longer do as you please, you are now joined with another whom you must consider.  That is humbling, but it is also gratifying.  Just as you are letting go of things to join with another, your spouse is doing the same, and when two people let everything else go and grab on to the Lord and each other it is so beautiful.  It brings an intimacy like no other.  In other words, we’re all we have.  Everything else is extra.  You can’t feel as if your spouse completes you, because you should have been healthy and complete with God before marrying, but you should feel content with your spouse.  A nothing else matters, come what may attitude.

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”  – Philippians 4:11

Marriage is progressive.  God is progressive so the married couple that remains in God will progress in their marriage.  God is far from stagnant and mediocre, therefore, those who walk with Him will be far from stagnant and mediocre.  We should always be working on something in our marriage, and it’s much more important to focus on the spiritual blessings than the physical blessings.  The spiritual will prepare you for the physical.  For example, we should not always be praying for more money or more material items, but instead we should be praying that God grows us up into Christ in every way.  As we continue to grow in Christ we will progress in every other area of our lives.  Our marriage will progress as we progress in our relationship with God.

Marriage is a blessing.  2 years in and I already recognize that my marriage is one of the greatest blessings that I have ever received.  If you prepare yourself for marriage, and walk closely with God in order to protect your marriage, your marriage will bless you in ways that you can’t imagine.

I can honestly admit that within these 2 years of marriage, I’ve felt God’s presence covering us, protecting us, and providing for us since day 1.  I know that He is pleased with us and although the marriage faces attacks in various ways, God has allowed me to see that while others fight against marriage, He fights for marriage.

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.”  – Genesis 2:18

 

MARRIAGE: Be who he needs

There is a big difference in being a woman that a man wants and being a woman that a man needs.  If your aim is to be a wife then be confident in being the woman that he needs.  Even though they don’t always tell us, men know in their heart if we are the woman that they want right now vs. the woman that they need.  Most men enjoy being with the woman that they want until they take the huge step of going after what they need- as opposed to what they want.

What we want and what we need are sometimes two very different things, and when it comes to marriage it’s about making a decision to go after what you need as opposed to what you want.  Our wants so often can lead us astray.  We all have times in our life when we want what’s not good for us.  That should be a season, not a lifestyle.  Living a life based on wants won’t bring back the best results in the long run.

Life is about recognizing what we need and making wise decisions to go after it.  We have to grow to a point of not living a life based on wants, and we certainly have to grow past how we feel.  Feelings can be so misleading & they change constantly.  Feelings are unstable and we certainly can’t depend solely on them when it comes to taking the step into marriage.

For me personally, I remember thinking about being old and alone.  I don’t think we’re meant to be alone & I didn’t want that to be my story.  In my youth I sure didn’t need a man- I was INDEPENDENT.  But I knew there would come a time when I would need to consider more.  What do you need to consider?  We are all different and we all have different things to consider.  

Regardless of your situation, take the time to consider what you need as opposed to what you want.

As a woman, don’t sell yourself short and be what he wants right now because the time will come when he will grow and decide to take that step towards what he needs.  

Are you what he needs?  

Be the woman that he needs not what he wants.  Being the needed one is much more valuable.

Wrote with Love,

Margo

Respector of Marriage

What you respect you will protect.  What you respect will guide your actions.  Do you respect marriage?

I respect marriage, and I’m finding that because of that my actions follow suit.

Prior to marriage, your thinking is different, and that is understandable because you haven’t yet entered into the covenant of marriage.  However, after you say I do, your actions should change.  Although we don’t always anticipate and easily accept the changes that marriage brings, we must respect it and understand it’s a part of the process.  We can’t get married and think that everything will remain the same.  If we want everything to stay the same we should stay single.

Marriage is good and it brings good changes.

1. Don’t expect everyone to get it.  Especially those that aren’t married.  How could they understand something that they’ve never experienced?  Although they don’t understand it, they should respect it, and that in itself is respectable.  However, even if they don’t get it, it’s not your job to help them get it.  Don’t lose your focus.  Now that you are married, after God your marriage is your #1 priority.

2. Where are you going?  A marriage is a ministry, and I believe that a marriage is one of God’s most powerful tools on Earth- which is why Satan seeks to destroy the marriage like he does.  Think about it, marriage is no longer valued in society as it used to be, and as a result the family is broken. Take a look at society.

Now that you are married, you must consider where you and your spouse are going.  Look at your relationships, consider where God is leading you and make the necessary changes.  Be intentional about walking worthy of the calling God has on your life.  Don’t make any decisions out of fear or guilt, but do everything in faith.  Keep in mind that as you make changes, God has always called us to love others.  The fellowship may change, but the relationship is still there and we can always cover it in prayer and love.  We must, however, use wisdom to protect our marriage and to live the life that God has called us to live.

3. Don’t appease.  Whatever you do, do it because the Lord leads you to do it.  Do it because it’s best for you, your marriage, and your family.  Don’t do anything to appease or please others.  If you aim to appease, you will never win, because there will always be something else they need.  So, don’t waste time trying to keep others happy.  Use your energy to build your marriage, your family, and let God lead you to do anything outside of that.

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings I have received from God and I’m loving the journey- learning every step of the way.  I’ve accepted that marriage requires change & I’m willing to make any changes necessary, because I know it’s worth it.  Even when it hurts, I know it’s worth it, so I’ll do whatever I have to do.

“So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  – Matthew 19:6

Margo

WOMEN: Build Your Home

There is so much to do at home.  The more you focus on your own, the more you discover how much there is to do.  Don’t be fooled by thinking that taking care of home means only cooking and cleaning.  That’s definitely a start, but there’s so much more.

Married?  Build your marriage.  Have kids?  Build your kids.  Everyone’s family is different, but we all have work to do.  

It’s so easy to get caught up doing so many other things to the point that you’re neglecting your own home.  Don’t lose focus, the people in your home are more important than those outside of the home.  Don’t put so much on your plate that when you are home you’re too exhausted to do anything, and don’t allow social media to get more of you than your family gets.

Don’t take what you have for granted, and don’t assume that everything is okay.  No, take the time to ask how everyone is doing, how their day went, how they feel about this or that.  Ask questions to see what’s on their mind, don’t allow any issues to stay hidden.  Create an environment in your home of sharing feelings and dealing with issues.  

Start traditions, stick to routines but allow for spontaneity.  Make a habit of saying I love you, I’m here for you, I want the best for you.  Pray together- everyday.  

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”  – Proverbs 14:1

Let’s be women that build what we have at home.

Margo

I Love My Husband.  I Love Our Marriage.

Where do I start?  I thank God for marriage.  It’s such a beautiful thing.  I thank God for the man that He has blessed me with.  There is no other man that I adore the way I adore him.  Next to Jesus, he is it.

Why?

I know without a doubt that God blessed me with him.  I encourage women desiring a husband to diligently seek the Lord for His confirmation before saying “I do”.  I sought the Lord, I said I do, and I have felt the blessing of the Lord over our marriage from day 1.

I love my husband because he is who he is.  He doesn’t impress, he doesn’t fake, he is who he is.  He feels no pressure to be like those around him.  He is secure in who he is.  He encourages others to also be themselves.  He’s not moved by outward appearances.

I love my husband because he loves the Lord.  He loves the Lord, seeks the Lord, trusts the Lord, and is content in the Lord. He hears from the Lord, and for a wife there is no better feeling.  Before saying I do, be certain that he hears from the Lord.

I love my husband because he loves me.  He really loves me.  His love is genuine, sincere, never wavering, and not based on anything I do.  It’s not even based on how I look.  Can you believe that?  When we first met I remember him telling me that he loves the Jesus in me.  

I love my husband because he is faithful.  A faithful man who can find?  (Proverb 20:6) If you find yourself a faithful man consider yourself blessed.  There is no better feeling than walking in confidence, knowing that your husband is faithful to you.  I’m so grateful.

I love my husband because he is my best friend and my partner.  We support each other, we learn from each other, we encourage one another, we want the best for one another.  We are one.

I love my husband because he is strong.  Yes, he’s physically strong, but more importantly he’s spiritually strong.  When troubles comes our way I worry not about him being able to handle it.  I have a fighter in him, I know together that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Marriage is a beautiful thing and I thank God for the marriage that he has blessed us with.  He has used our marriage to bless us in more ways than one.  Our marriage is sound, secure, and solid because our foundation is Jesus Christ.  Our marriage is a blessing to our children because they are covered.  Our marriage is a ministry because we allow God to use us to show His love to those around us.  Our marriage is sincere, honest, and safe.  Our marriage is our safe place.

I love my husband.  I love my marriage.  Marriage is a beautiful thing.  Thank you God for our marriage.

Margo

Marriage is NOT about happiness

Ok, maybe happiness is a part of marriage, but keep in mind it is only a part.  You certainly marry someone who makes you happy, but you do so realizing that they won’t always make you happy.  How could they?  No one is perfect.

Marriage is about so much more than happiness, but so often we have in our minds that marriage should make us happy or marriage is ALL about happiness.  Both of these are unrealistic expectations to have in a marriage.  Marriage is of God so it is a blessed thing, but it’s not always easy.  It requires work and more importantly it requires us to look at ourselves to ensure that we have the right attitude about it.  So often we don’t view marriage the way we should.

As I write, I’m asking myself the following question: What is marriage about then?

1. Marriage is about love.  “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us,”  – Ephesians 5:2

2. Marriage is about safety. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have  her own husband.” – I Corinthians 7:2

3. Marriage is about growth.  “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things,” – Ephesians 4:15

And lastly, and I say this cautiously, marriage is apart of our life but not our entire life.  Yes, you are one with your spouse and you must protect your spouse and your marriage at all costs.  You must also nurture yourself in a healthy way so that you are able to contribute to a healthy marriage; not make it harder on both you and your spouse.  Basically, don’t expect to get all of your needs met by your marriage.  That’s unrealistic.  Instead, do those things that will keep your spirit, soul, and body healthy and then you are able to work toward keeping your marriage healthy.  The healthier you are, the happier your marriage will be.

Be grateful for the moments that your spouse makes you happy, but understand that he or she is not perfect so there will also come many times when they won’t make you happy.  When that time comes, don’t act as if something strange is happening to you.  You don’t always make him/her happy, do you?  Of course not.  No one in a marriage is perfect.

So the next time you feel yourself getting angry by your spouse’s actions, remember marriage is not all about happiness- It’s only a part of it.

Margo

WOMEN: 3 Ways Marriage Changes You

1. It secures you.  Now, before I was married I definitely was a strong, secure, independent woman, but it’s something about marriage that provides you with a totally different kind of security.  In my opinion, it’s better.  You feel secure enough to tackle things that you may not have attempted by yourself.  You know, 2 is better than 1.  It’s a fact that you are able to accomplish more being married.  Of course you have to be married to the right person, so it is important to be led by the spirit when entering a marriage because I’m sure some accomplish less while married.  I don’t think it should be that way.  Marriage should secure you and empower you to do all that God has called you to do.

2. It sensitizes you.  The first major event in my life that sensitized me was becoming a mother.  I remember after having my first child, Maraya, I noticed that I cried more easily.  Marriage also has a way of sensitizing you.  As a wife you should respect your husband enough to not talk to him the way you may have spoken to others outside of marriage.  This is not even a conscious process.  I feel that when in a marriage you will be surprised at some of the things that you say and do, because initially it feels out of character.  Husbands have these moments too.  I can recall many moments of my husband saying “I never pictured me being this way with a woman.”  I certainly feel that same way.

3. It strengthens you. Marriage shouldn’t weaken you, but it should instead strenghten you.  First of all, marriage is not easy.  Of course the good days should outnumber the tough days, but the tough days will come.  And when they come you can’t run from them- You have to face them.  Marriage has strengthened me in many ways.  It should strenghten your character, your mind (especially when your partner challenges you), your spirit (I wouldn’t suggest any woman to enter a marriage with a weak spirit), and it strengthens your will.

Marriage has a way of revealing what’s inside of you and if you move forward despite the many obtacles that you will face, you will no doubt become stronger.

Wrote with love,

Margo