Anger Is A Control Issue: 5 Tips to Overcome

It is easy to go through life without ever connecting our emotions to the root issues within our heart. Proverbs 4:23 tells us: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” We must grow in identifying the state of our heart, as the issues of our heart will affect everything that we do. As it relates to anger, I am realizing that anger is a control issue. We are often angered when things do not go our way. Read for 5 tips to identify and overcome your anger issues.

1. Self-Reflect

Self-reflection is key to growth. This is often why we don’t grow, because we are afraid to look within. Sometimes we know what is within us, but we are too prideful or afraid to face it. One of the biggest keys to freedom in life and in Christ, is truth. As Jesus said in John 8:32:

“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

This is very real. Knowing the truth about God, His Word, and His Son, will make us free. This truth then leads us to accepting the unflattering truths about ourselves. This is what often gets us. We don’t want to be wrong. We don’t want to confess our issues, however, in order to grow, we must take the time to self-reflect. Understanding that anger is a control issue, will allow us to approach self-reflection with the aim of discovering the real root of our anger.

Though anger is a control issue, control is not the only root that anger stems from. We all have unique issues. The Lord has shown me that my anger often stems from desiring control, however, you may identify other roots. It could be that your anger is rooted in pride, fear, or even insecurity. This is the beauty of self-reflection. It allows us to better understand us and our issues, emotions, and responses to situations.

2. Identify It

The goal of self-reflection is to identify our issues. This has been a huge key in my spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. Most of the time, when triggered or moved to certain emotional states, we spend our time focusing on the stimuli; when instead we should be focused on why we were triggered in the first place.

Taking the time to identify our particular emotions and heart issues will put us in a position of facing the real issues. Remember Proverbs 4:23, for out of our heart come the issues of life. Situations, people, or other stimuli are not the main issue. We will always be challenged in life. For the follower of Christ, growth occurs when we overcome our emotional responses and begin responding in a spiritual, Christ-like manner. This is the goal. Less of us, more of Him [John 3:30].

As it relates to overcoming our anger issues, we must take the time to identify the emotion as well as why we are feeling it, so we can focus on a more appropriate response, as opposed to an angry response.

3. Replace It

As we journey through overcoming anger issues, we must find a replacement for anger. This is where knowing and growing in God’s Word is key. When we have anger issues, anger has become our chosen and comfortable response. We know, however, as followers of Christ, that anger is not the aim:

“Wherefore, my beloved brethern, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”
– James 1:19-20

I have found it impossible to walk in both anger and love at the same time. Anger actually prevents me from walking in love. This is why we must take the time to self-reflect and identify our heart issues, for it is the issues within our heart that prevent us from obeying God.

Think about it: A person offending you is not in control of your response to them. A heart that is full of love, compassion and forgiveness is more likely to respond in a merciful, kind manner. As opposed to another heart that is full of anger, rage, and malice. That person is likely to respond to the same offense in a cruel, cold, or calculated way. This allows us to see that our response is not controlled by stimulation, but rather the condition of our heart.

Proverbs 4:23: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

4. Note It

Understanding that anger is a control issue will put us in a position of better understanding our condition. In order to overcome any negative hold in our lives, we must identify it and replace it with something better, which will them disassemble that which is undesirable. In this case, we want to loose the hold of anger in our lives. This will be a process.

Anger can be such a strong emotion. This is what makes it so dangerous to leave unattended. Anger must be dealt with and we cannot expect it to be a one-and-done process. I have found that in order to overcome my anger issues, I have had to make note of the anger. Literally, writing down what made me angry as well as why it made me angry. This is so huge because it gets the anger out of you and on something tangible (paper), which makes it easier to sort through.

Anger will need to be expelled, it just needs to be expressed in a healthy way. Understanding that anger is a control issue will help us in our approach of overcoming it.

Simply put, when control is the root of your anger, focus on relinquishing control. Surrender. Release. Allow.

Though this may seem like you’re giving up and giving in, actually, you are winning in your fight against anger. Though we desire control and like to feel like we’re in control, we’re actually never in control anyway. We cannot control situations, nor can we control people. The control that we feel when attempting to control, is a false sense of control and not only that, but it breeds stress and strain within us and in our relationships.

5. Choose Trust

A readily available antidote to anger is trust. Anger demands it’s own way, while trust yields to God’s way. God has never instructed me to demand my ways, which is what I tend to do when I’m angry. God requires us to walk in love and one characteristic of love is that it does not seek it’s own way [I Corinthians 13:5]. What He has for us, we’re able to just walk in [Ephesians 2:10].

For He is in ultimate control, and He works all things according to His will. Humility is a necessity, as this is what allows us to surrender our own will and desires for the sake of His will and desires. Not only do we need humility, but we need faith in order to believe God’s Word. Believing that God is in ultimate control will allow me to act like it, which will lead to obedience to His Word.

Relinquishing anger and control will put us in a position of strengthening our faith and trust in God. As you understand that anger is a control issue and focus on overcoming it, keep in mind that God is not surprised by any of our circumstances and is actually using them for our good [Romans 8:28]. Not only that, but He works “all things after the counsel of his own will:” [Ephesians 1:11b].

In that, we can trust.

So, when anger tries to overtake you and control your thoughts, words, and deeds; remember to take a step back to self-reflect, identify it, replace it, note it, and choose trust. He is able to help us in our time of need. He is able to help us overcome all that attempts to oppress us.