Conflict is a part of life. Though many people run from it, there’s no way to avoid it. Instead of dreading it and avoiding it, we must learn healthy ways to deal with it. Effective conflict resolution is key. How do you typically respond to conflict? Consider these 5 tips.
1. Take a moment.
One behavior that contributes to the strife is immediate reaction. When in conflict, it is sometimes best to take a moment. Take a moment to gather yourself, calm down, and process the entire situation- not just your perspective.
The common suggestion, count to ten, can be vey helpful. It allows you the time to get yourself together before responding. Even in the midst of a discussion, it is quite okay to say “I need a moment.” This moment can be the difference between saying or doing something you will later regret, and being able to express yourself in a way that does not further escalate the situation.
2. Consider another perspective.
As difficult as it can be when we are offended or upset, we must consider another perspective. As passionately as we may feel about a particular situation, there is always another way to view it. In order to effectively work through the conflict, one must be willing to view the situation through another lens.
Effective conflict resolution is not about winning.
Effective conflict resolution is about gaining understanding. This requires us to adjust how we even approach conflict, as most of the time our mental state is on: 1- expressing ourselves; and 2- getting our way.
In order to effectively resolve conflict, we must:
– face it and not run from it
– adjust our state of mind toward it
– understand the goals of it
3. Humble ourselves
Each person entering the conversation has a unique perspective. It requires humility to be able to express your stance, without discrediting the other person’s position. Humility is essential in expressing one’s concerns, as well as listening to the other person’s concerns.
“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.”
– Proverbs 13:10
Pride is a barrier to effective conflict resolution.
It will influence the delivery of communication, including: body gestures, tone, and facial expressions. It will also accuse, resist, and even disrespect the position of the other party. Pride does not assist the resolution process, it only hinders it.
4. Pray
Prayer should be relied upon before engaging in emotionally heightened discussions. We ought to pray for effective communication, humble hearts, wisdom, patience, and understanding. When in the midst of conflict, it is quite natural to toughen up. We toughen up as if preparing for war. This hardness, which is another form of pride, does not assist the conflict resolution process.
As natural as it feels, we don’t want to protect ourselves with a shell. As children of God, we want to arm ourselves with prayer.
Relying on prayer when in the midst of conflict, helps us to get in tune with God. It also demonstrates our desire to bring God into the situation, and not just get our own way.
5. Pursue peace
As we are working through conflict, we must have the proper goals. One goal can be to pursue peace. Keeping this in mind will help us to stay focused as we navigate the often complex conversations of conflict. Conflict is often messy, which is why we avoid it.
Conflict is often the result of so many things: Hurt feelings, offenses, misunderstandings, shortcomings, heart issues, thought patterns, varying perspectives and needs, just to name a few. The nature of the relationship also brings in another element. For instance, conflict within marriage will be handled differently than conflict on the job. Both should have the same goal, pursue peace, however, the process to get there will differ.
When in conflict, it may be helpful to explicitly state: I’m seeking peace between us. This will not only guide your conversation, but it will also help the other party to see what your ultimate focus is.
Conflict can be challenging, mostly because it forces us to grow. It gives much insight into the state of our hearts. Though we may not necessarily enjoy conflict, I pray that we begin to understand the benefits of facing and resolving it. I hope these 5 tips will empower you to engage in effective conflict resolution.
With love,
