Dear Momma,

You were the one.

You were the one I called momma.  The one that took me as your own when my own couldn’t be there.  

You were the one.

You were the one who called me Margie and bought me my own my size Barbie.

You were the one.

You were the one who took me an ice cold bath when my temperature was too hot.

You were the one who made me hot tea when my lymph nodes were too fat.

You were the one.

You were the one who gave me stability, security, and protection from many things.

You were apart of the reason why I never felt unloved or unwanted growing up.

You loved me.

You were the one.

You were the one who told me to have my own child when I felt so left out.

You were the one who came and took care of Maraya when I went back to work.

It was you.

You were the one.

You were the one who sacrificed and gave to ensure that I didn’t lack.

You were the one who got me roller blades, stereos, and even my first car.

You did that.

You were the one.

You were the one who always told me to get an education.  No one else- only you.

You were the one.

You were the one who listened to me, laughed with me, and always accepted me being me.

You were the one.

Doris Ann Blue, I love you.  May you rest in peace and love.

You were the one.

MARRIAGE: Be who he needs

There is a big difference in being a woman that a man wants and being a woman that a man needs.  If your aim is to be a wife then be confident in being the woman that he needs.  Even though they don’t always tell us, men know in their heart if we are the woman that they want right now vs. the woman that they need.  Most men enjoy being with the woman that they want until they take the huge step of going after what they need- as opposed to what they want.

What we want and what we need are sometimes two very different things, and when it comes to marriage it’s about making a decision to go after what you need as opposed to what you want.  Our wants so often can lead us astray.  We all have times in our life when we want what’s not good for us.  That should be a season, not a lifestyle.  Living a life based on wants won’t bring back the best results in the long run.

Life is about recognizing what we need and making wise decisions to go after it.  We have to grow to a point of not living a life based on wants, and we certainly have to grow past how we feel.  Feelings can be so misleading & they change constantly.  Feelings are unstable and we certainly can’t depend solely on them when it comes to taking the step into marriage.

For me personally, I remember thinking about being old and alone.  I don’t think we’re meant to be alone & I didn’t want that to be my story.  In my youth I sure didn’t need a man- I was INDEPENDENT.  But I knew there would come a time when I would need to consider more.  What do you need to consider?  We are all different and we all have different things to consider.  

Regardless of your situation, take the time to consider what you need as opposed to what you want.

As a woman, don’t sell yourself short and be what he wants right now because the time will come when he will grow and decide to take that step towards what he needs.  

Are you what he needs?  

Be the woman that he needs not what he wants.  Being the needed one is much more valuable.

Wrote with Love,

Margo

WOMEN: 3 Ways Marriage Changes You

1. It secures you.  Now, before I was married I definitely was a strong, secure, independent woman, but it’s something about marriage that provides you with a totally different kind of security.  In my opinion, it’s better.  You feel secure enough to tackle things that you may not have attempted by yourself.  You know, 2 is better than 1.  It’s a fact that you are able to accomplish more being married.  Of course you have to be married to the right person, so it is important to be led by the spirit when entering a marriage because I’m sure some accomplish less while married.  I don’t think it should be that way.  Marriage should secure you and empower you to do all that God has called you to do.

2. It sensitizes you.  The first major event in my life that sensitized me was becoming a mother.  I remember after having my first child, Maraya, I noticed that I cried more easily.  Marriage also has a way of sensitizing you.  As a wife you should respect your husband enough to not talk to him the way you may have spoken to others outside of marriage.  This is not even a conscious process.  I feel that when in a marriage you will be surprised at some of the things that you say and do, because initially it feels out of character.  Husbands have these moments too.  I can recall many moments of my husband saying “I never pictured me being this way with a woman.”  I certainly feel that same way.

3. It strengthens you. Marriage shouldn’t weaken you, but it should instead strenghten you.  First of all, marriage is not easy.  Of course the good days should outnumber the tough days, but the tough days will come.  And when they come you can’t run from them- You have to face them.  Marriage has strengthened me in many ways.  It should strenghten your character, your mind (especially when your partner challenges you), your spirit (I wouldn’t suggest any woman to enter a marriage with a weak spirit), and it strengthens your will.

Marriage has a way of revealing what’s inside of you and if you move forward despite the many obtacles that you will face, you will no doubt become stronger.

Wrote with love,

Margo

MARRIAGE: Repentance & Forgiveness

Forget the fairytales, marriage is not about perfection, but rather repentance and forgiveness.  I’ve been married for 20 days short of a year and in my humble opinion no marriage can thrive without repentance and forgiveness.  Honestly, it’s a big part of what it’s all about.

Since no one is perfect, every married couple must face things that they may not have expected.  We may face different things, but the fact is that you will have to face some things within your marriage.  

Face it: Your husband is not perfect, and never will be.  Your wife is not perfect, and never will be.  And contrary to popular belief, you’re not all that yourself.  We all fall short from time to time.

The key though, is in repentance & forgiveness.

When we mess up we must be mature enough to take ownership of our wrong, confess, repent, and change our hearts and minds toward our shortcoming.  Confession is hard, but it is so worth it. After it comes growth.  We have to lose the attitude of “This is just me.”  That is such an immature way to think.  

We have to truly listen to our spouse.  We can’t keep our mind overly occupied with how we see it or even how we feel, we must truly put ourselves on the back burner and listen to the concerns of our mate.

Lastly, we have to forgive!  We can’t hold grudges or remind our spouses of their faults.  No, when they have truly repented we should accept them and encourage them.  

Think about how Jesus does us.

Margo

LOVE: When it’s right it’s RIGHT

I’ve had so many experiences with relationships, but what I’ve found is that when it’s right it’s RIGHT.  There is no mistaking, confusing, or wondering what it is.  When it’s right it’s right and you’ll know it.

I’m thankful for all the wrong experiences because they help me to value this right thing.  I’m appreciative and even more appreciative because I know how it feels to be alone and taken advantage of.

When it’s right he won’t feel pulled between you and her.  When it’s right you don’t have to pressure him.  When it’s right you don’t wonder how he feels.  When it’s right he will tell you.  When it’s right you will feel it.  You will feel content.

When it’s right you will experience things you’ve never experienced.  And you’ll be thankful.

I’m so thankful that I have that RIGHT love.

Margo

MARRIAGE: Who’s First?

If we are contemplating marriage then one thing we must wrap our minds around is the fact that our mate has to be first.  This can be a difficult thing to do, especially when it comes to children or even parents.

Marrying someone means that you are becoming one with them.  This means that we should always consider our mates and how our decisions will impact them.  There is no other relationship that requires us to become ONE with someone.  The Bible clearly tells us that we become one with our partner:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  – Genesis 2: 24

Keywords for me?  Leave, united, and one.  We have to leave our family, unite with our partner, and then become one with them.  Now, I completely understand that the uniting and the becoming of one is a process, but it is something that we should at least understand and acknowledge before entering into a marriage.

Before marriage, we unite with many other things.  Friends, children, jobs, money, and the list goes on and on.  But, if we are to enter into a healthy marriage we must be able to separate ourselves, make adjustments, and say “My husband must now come first.”  Or, “My wife must now come first.”  This is a bold statement and not everyone will understand it.

I know I’m not married yet, so there’s a lot that I don’t know, but I do believe that if people put their spouses first then there would be many less marital issues and even divorces.  

We should put our partner’s feelings above the next person.  We should put their preferences above the next person.  We have to be bold enough to take a stand for our marriage.  If we dont, who will??

Again, I’m not saying it will be easy, but I believe that if we stand for what’s right then we will reap the benefits.  We may not know everything, or even how to handle every situation, but thats when we can turn to the Bible.

Be careful where you seek marriage counsel.  I’ve been very careful to rely on God, The Bible, and godly counsel when it comes to my marriage concerns.

Marriage is a big deal, and if we want to succeed we better understand that our mate and our marriage must come first.

Margo