I Crashed

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My life is filled with moments where I crashed- literally and figuratively.

Those moments where I knew exactly where I was going, what I was doing; but then I crash.

These huge moments where I’ve crashed out have always changed my course of direction.

At impact I’m angry, confused, emotional- I always feel devastated.

Back in 2010, when Christ came into my life, he came full force, head on.  It appeared as though I crashed.

Afterward, I realized he had been whispering for quite a while but I just ignored him.

Didn’t have the time.  I was doing my own thing with my own agenda, my own goals.

July 21st, 2013 I crashed again.  Speeding in the rain, didn’t take caution to my surroundings.

I was focused on my destination, paying no attention to my environment.  Overlooking all the signs.

So focused on the future, I was oblivious to my present.

I’m bold, fearless, unstoppable, driven.  I move fast.

Until I crashed.

I crashed.  It was bad.  I could have died.

But God.  But God.  God saved me.

He saved me for his purposes.  He has plans for me.

Just as he created the sun to light and warm the Earth, he created me for a specific purpose.

He gave me gifts.  He gave me personality.  He named me.  Margo Blue.  All of this to make the world a better place.

He had vision when creating me.  I am on Earth for a specific purpose.  A purpose that will expand his influence.  A purpose that will glorify him.

He made me aware of my identity.  My purpose, my gifts, my assets.  I then take off with them.

I used them to benefit me.  I imagined my own visions, strategies, goals.  My confidence boosted.

So I crashed.

He reminded me that He gives me and he also takes from me.

I crashed.

Everything is so clear now.  I do, speak, receive, and accomplish as He allows me to.

He made me aware of my weaknesses: my confidence in self, my pride, my inability to depend on Him.

He can only use me if I remain weak.  In my weakness he is made strong.

When I feel strong I have no need for him.  That’s out of order.  I was created to need him.

My feelings of independence are false.  I am a dependant creature.

I must remain dependant on God.  Dependant on him so I won’t crash.

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